The Best at Faking

I feel so alone. All the time. In this pain. I literally never want to bring it up. I never want to feel like I'm burdening anyone with my pain. Or even just have the feeling like people don't believe me or they might think I'm faking it. It's easier to just live with it. To smile and laugh and act completely normal. It comforts people to believe that you are just fine. People ask "how are you?" and they want to hear "fine." They don't want all the gory details. It causes them to have to give part of themselves away to empathize. So it is always "great!" "I'm just great!" I don't have the option of staying in bed all day. Even if everything in my body is weary and my soul is tired. I don't even want to stay in bed all day. Because I am so good at acting like I'm not sick I think everyone has forgotten I am chronically ill. To the point I throw up from the pain. To the point I cry about it when I'm alone. I am too good at pretending I'm ok. But I am in so much pain. I'm ALWAYS tired. I'm ALWAYS in pain. ALWAYS fighting through the nausea and pain. If I don't seem 'that sick' it's cuz I'm a good faker. Probably the best faker.